One of the benefits of keeping a journal is being able to go back and read past entries. It can be amusing at times to read about the things that I worried about at the time I wrote about them and realize how trivial they now seem. More importantly, re-reading old entries helps me recognize God’s sovreignty and how divinely He is working things out in my life. It also helps me gauge the progression and maturing of my faith, especially in times of suffering or trouble.
On November 14, I wrote out a prayer asking God for several things in relation to my broken heart. They were:
1. That God would be glorified through my suffering.
2. That He would reveal more of Himself to me at this time.
3. That I would wait patiently but expectantly for Him to act.
4. That I would honor God with my attitude and reactions.
5. That He would help me to choose to be joyful in spite of the circumstances.
6. That I would learn the things that God was trying to teach me through this.
So, how are those prayer requests coming along? God has definitely answered those in many ways. I can’t say that my attitude has been honoring to Him 100 percent of the time–probably not even 50 percent of the time. But day by day it’s getting better. I’ve had opportunities to share how God is working in my life and glorify Him in some unexpected ways.
I feel closer to God now than I have in a long time. He is revealing more and more of Himself to me–not that He wasn’t willing to reveal Himself in these ways earlier, but I suppose that I am more hungry for Him.
God has given me many moments of laughter and joy, even in the midst of tears. I have been so blessed with friends and family who have shared encouragement, funny emails, or just provided a listening ear.
He is certainly teaching me a lot of things–mainly, a lot of things about myself that I didn’t realize, and in some cases, things that I didn’t want to face. He has brought a lot of issues with pride and selfishness to the forefront, issues that are painful to confront but that are necessary for me to deal with if I want to grow.
Suffering is still hard, and a broken heart is still painful. I’d be lying if I said otherwise. Still, I’m genuinely thankful for the many things (even the hard lessons) that I’m learning through this. I know that God is using this time for good–for me, and for His kingdom.